Working Toward D/C . (Target: 5/23) . American Paradigmatic Stupidity

We have a concrete target for Discharge--May 23.  I consulted with the attending physician yesterday who assured me in no uncertain terms that I'm not being released until it is safe to do so (this in response to my impassioned plea to return to my pretty good life of supportive spouse, cool Golden Retrievers, amazing friends/spiritual community, team at MCT that I actually LIKE hanging out with, etc.)  So the concrete may not be exactly dry on this concrete target.  But certainly I would appear to be returning to the aforementioned life this week or very soon after.

One thing this cancer experience does for you (the proverbial 'you') is to generate several 'cancer club' benefits (stuff you mere mortals believe but to which you only give lip service and which we addicts and cancer survivors live or die by).

These reminds me a bit of the addict who became CEO who shared three principles to live by (see earlier post) which addicts live or die by and everyone else considers and then decides to take them or leave them.  The addicts (and the cancer club folks) have an advantage (for which they have paid dearly). Could you achieve these commitments without going through the balrog days of cancer treatment?  Sure, but, let's get real, it doesn't usually happen.
Do I wish cancer on folks unafflicted so they can benefit from these commitments?  Absolutely not. But if you're doing to have to deal with this really obnoxious thing called cancer in some form, you might as well wring from the bloody experience every last benefit.

People in the 'cancer club' often:
Don't waste time.  They realize the cliche about 24 hours being all we have and time being our most precious resource are actually lasting correct principles (LCP's) which will either become our trusted friends or our destructive enemies.  These LCP's will either make us better or kill us.  A bit like the Ten Commandments.
Don't have a lot of tolerance for 'games'.  I mean by 'games" interpersonal dynamics which are founded in stupidities such as passive aggressiveness, vengeance, fear, or bitterness.  I like the internal self talk I often use, 'don't engage with that, you really can't afford it'.   I can't.
Don't waste energy on 'bright shiny objects'. I am, and always will be, an ENFP (Meyers-Briggs type called 'journalist' or champion).  The joke about this type is that they will always notice (and sometimes waste energy on) the newest bright shiny object.  The ENFP prayer:  ENFP: God, help me to keep my mind on one th--Look a bird--ing at a time. Don't laugh, there's a prayer for your type also.
Quit the Stupidity of Isolation.  What I mean by this is that the American individualism that we breath in unquestioning is, well, just dumbass stupid.  Look in the Bible (if you're among the Christian folk in this audience) and you'll find the majority (except for narrative stories) of the times that God calls someone or even just addresses them (e.g. in the Pauline epistles) are intended as "you" plural, that is, we are to do our best and most significant work in connection with others.

Why make such a big deal about this?  Because, as one of my brochures (for CCX) says, "Isolation sucks."  "Connection rocks."  And to give a 'shout out' to our armed forces, it didn't take long for Army leadership to realize that "The Power of One" was exactly the wrong message.  Now Army messaging is much more about connection and community.  There's even a senior training officer in the U.S. Air Force utilizing Brene Brown's work on vulnerability and daring leadership (all of which is focused on connecting rather than isolating).

By the way, let me respond to the introvert(s) in the audience who will say, 'Fine for you, Mr. Extrovert, but I am not wired for connection.'  Sorry not to sugar coat this for you but . . . Wrong.  The neuroscience says exactly the opposite.  You are wired for connection.  As an introvert, you may work harder for the connection and the resulting connection may be more thoughtful and authentic than us Extroverts who tend to think less and emote more.  Don't believe me?  I just now did a search for "We are wired for connection" and came up with . . . drum roll please . . . 115 million results.  Check out a few hundred thousand if you'd like but the reality is We are wired to connect.

I often say to my clients that on my goal list, I probably have over 50 goals that are incredibly important to me and not one of them has a snowball's chance in hell of coming to completion without connecting with the right people.  And I see that as GOOD news.

That felt good to say.  I wonder how many have ears to hear . . . Feel free to interact; I'd love to see the responses to the 'in your face' stuff above.  Hopefully the response is not to half my audience.